I finally realized why I have been so happy lately. apart from all the external happiness of life that is also so abundant... there has been an extreme increase of internal happiness.
I finally feel like me. I finally feel like I am the person that has been inside me all along. like my mortal self and my spiritual self are finally lining up... it sounds odd but it is really true. I am more confident and I am happier in all aspects of my life. I know what I want (for the most part) out of life. I know who I am. I have established many strong opinions and beliefs that are my own and not just what my parents or leaders think. I have really great and real friends and I have been able to let go of the things and people that have hurt me in the past.
I am definitely more spiritual now than I ever was before and I know frequent temple attendance and scripture study are the sole cause of that growth. I am just so thankful that I feel so confident in who I am as a person right now. it helps me trust in the people around me more and it especially helps me trust in the Lord more. its funny cuz I feel like I have found myself just in time to lose myself. and this brings me great joy!
I can honestly say I am truly happy. things are still hard and I still have plenty of struggles but they just aren't so bad anymore. keeping an eternal perspective isn't so hard when you know that life is pretty splendid and that the lord has many great and marvelous things he has revealed and is yet to reveal.
I still cant believe that this week I get to put on a real deal missionary tag. the thought makes my stomach flip, my heart pound and my head spin! but in a good way. like when you are at the very top of a super high roller coaster and the ride stops right before the drop and you are just waiting for the rush of falling and then the excitement of shooting back up for the ride. and oh what a ride it will be.
